Family problems are always difficult subjects. A Chinese-year-old family host turned her face with her husband due to her mother-in-law's care problem during her lifetime. In the end, her mother-in-law did not divide her off her family at all, which made her very angry and consider divorced her husband, and gave practical suggestions to this marriage expert.
Japanese marriage consultant Ei Harajima shared a case that came to ask. When Mari Sakatani was 25 years old, she met her 5-year-old husband on a trip. The two got married after falling in love. Her husband is an office worker and has shown from the beginning that he is unwilling to leave his birthplace of Hokkaido. Therefore, he hopes that Mari will move to Hokkaido to live with him after getting married. Because Mari loves her husband deeply, she happily decides to move to Hokkaido.
After being married for more than 30 years, Mari has been a professional family host who takes care of the family wholeheartedly, and has been in harmony with her husband, in-laws and relatives, and has never had any disputes. Now that the eldest daughter and the eldest son are independent, Mari finally relaxed and suddenly faced the care problem of her mother-in-law.
The care of her mother-in-law fell on her daughter-in-law and forced her to take care of her husbandThe father-in-law died in an accident 15 years ago. The mother-in-law who she left behind was always taken care of by her aunt. About three and a half years ago, my uncle's husband was overseas due to work-based adjustments, which led to the Mari family having to take over the care of her mother-in-law.
The children have left their homes and the room at home is empty, so the husband proposes to let the mother-in-law, who is increasingly weak, move in with them. Since the husband has to work, the mother-in-law's care responsibility naturally falls on the daughter-in-law. But Mali finally finished her childbirth and was about to enjoy her old age. She could not accept this arrangement, so she refused her husband's request and emphasized that "caring for parents is the responsibility of having children."
Mari felt dissatisfied that she moved to Hokkaido for her husband and left her biological parents. However, her husband never cared about her father-in-law and mother-in-law, and only wanted to take care of her mother. This made Mari more and more unwilling to her husband. In the end, she said ruthlessly to her husband: "I will never do anything. If you want to take care of your mother, do it yourself!"
Mari's husband then began to live in his hometown for more than half a month and take care of his mother. Her mother-in-law passed away last fall. She was hospitalized for the last half of her life. Mari never visited her once, but she finally attended the funeral, but her husband at this time was no longer dependent on her wife, which made Mari feel embarrassed and out of place.
Absent from mother-in-law's care. The family also drifted away.Mari originally thought that her mother-in-law would be able to return to her true self-respect when she died, but after her mother-in-law's 49-day Buddhist meeting, the family distribution made Mari feel unprecedented humiliation. My mother-in-law's property is distributed completely according to the property. Her husband, aunt, uncle, husband and son-in-law all received millions of daily income, but she didn't even get a penny.
Mari said that she was still in harmony with her mother-in-law before the problem of living together. She was treated like this only because she had no care, which made her unable to accept. She was disgusted with her husband, but was severely scolded by him for being "you are too greedy."
Since that time, her husband has moved back to her hometown with her family and has almost stopped contacting her wife. Mari's grievances every day cannot calm down. She began to think about whether she should divorce her husband and ask for a fee to return to her hometown.
Expert: Don't be emotional. You need to calmly analyze the current situationThe disagreement with Mari. Marriage consultant Harashima pointed out that couples who have been divorced for more than 20 years of marriage are usually called "miscuity divorce", accounting for 21.1% of the total divorce in Japan, which means that one of every five divorced couples is divorced in a mature age.
One of the reasons for divorce in mature age is often related to the care of spouse parents. Of course, the "care should be borne by children" that Mari insists is not unreasonable. In addition, the emotional status and relationship between each couple are different from their parents-in-law. However, if you want to maintain a good marriage, you should stand on the spouse's position as much as possible and lend a helping hand when the other party is in trouble.
Regarding Mari's situation, Harashima said: "If I had not completely refused at that time, but provided some help appropriately, or the situation might be different." But now that things have come to this point, regret is insignificant, so she suggested that Mari should calm down her inner dissatisfaction and anger first and think about the future direction coldly.
She said that if Mari was determined to ask for a nursing fee and divorce, she suggested asking the lawyer for advice, but she has been a family host for more than 30 years and needs to consider economic issues after divorce. Therefore, if you ask for suggestions and go to divorce, it is better to apologize to your husband sincerely and try to revise the relationship. She suggested that Mari seriously think about what kind of life and income source she would like to have in the future, and then make a decision after a comprehensive evaluation of her current situation.