Becoming a father and mother seems to be naturally surrounded by happiness, but in fact, when there are so many difficulties and challenges to face, can you say that you don’t feel happy?
A father recently shared his feelings after becoming a father on social media. He said his sense of happiness has been greatly reduced, and this is his shared feeling with his friends of the same situation. His comments have received attention and replies from many people, and many people criticized him, accusing him of not hugging him since he became a parent. ． ．
{9 Their feeling is that as a parent, the whole culture requires you to express "become a parent so happy" and "children are gifts from God." But the fact is that when a group of parents gather together, they usually find that most people are not satisfied with their current life and find that what they care about is the fertility dilemma; physical and mental health problems; or that their career has been affected or greatly affected; because they have no time to be with friends, their friendships go far; their relationships with their companions feel tight, and some even say that their partner is basically just another parent who lives with me.Reply to this dad's netizen, there are naturally some opposition voices, but most people seem to agree that they were very angry when raising children and had encountered problems. Although studies have shown that parents will feel happier shortly after the child is born, there are also studies that in addition to the decrease in marital satisfaction, parents' sense of happiness will also decrease in the first few years after the child is born.
In most days, raising children is always one after another, and it is indeed a great pressure to have a parent showing the correct teaching attitude to their children at all times and be calm, kind and kind. Moreover, it is not easy for couples to achieve a balance between childbirth, family and work.
Children must put in a lot of time, energy and resources. The pressure on parents may make the relationship between husband and wife exhausted, and they have no time to see each other's needs and feelings. Even if they are unhappy or quarreled, they may not have time to discuss and digest negative emotions. This change has caused the relationship between husband and wife to become distant and the relationship is becoming weaker.
The courage to admit unhappinessIf you become a parent, you will have huge changes in your life and make people unable to feel happiness, what should you do? Adjusting takes time and method, but the first step is to admit this first and not feel guilty. If you escape this feeling, there will naturally be no chance of change.
How to find your happy self? Being willing to admit is the first step. Many people who have come here will comfort people who have just become parents: "Participate! Just wait until the child grows up, and we have survived the same way." Indeed, children will grow up, but everyone faces different pressures. What if they can't survive? If there is a problem with the body and mind, what if the relationship between husband and wife is already very evil?
1. Find someone to help, arrange independent time
Find someone to help bring children, arrange yourself to do something that will make you happy, which will provide you with the space needed to reduce pressure and rest. In this way, when you return to parenting mode, you will have more energy and not feel so exhausted. Sometimes it works very well even for a few hours.
I once heard a mother say that even if she handed her child over to others at a time, she would feel inexplicably guilty and even be blamed by her family. How can she put her own feelings before the child’s feelings? This is society’s abnormal expectations for a mother.
2. Chat with people who are in the same dilemma
Many people will post complaining in the community, but be careful, or may lead to criticism or responsibility, because not everyone understands the difficulties of nurturing. You should chat with someone who is in the same dilemma as you, or maybe you still can't find the best solution. But just complaining can relieve stress.
Of course, if the problem still plagues you and makes you feel that you are far from happiness, you must seek help from experts. And the general public should give their parents the opportunity to tell them about the difficulties they face without feeling shy. The parenting process is an extremely challenging and multivariate journey that involves many peaks and troughs, and emotional ups and downs are normal and reasonable.
Facing difficulties and challenges does not mean that you should not be a parent. Being a parent is a learning and growth process, which takes time and experience.